Hard Candy: Sticky and Sweet

I have had the most amazing weekend. I went to see the goddess: The Madonna concert- Sticky and Sweet Tour. At age 50 she still knows how to build and put on an amazing show.

When I first heard that Madonna's tour was coming to New York, I called Herbelicious and told him no matter what, we had to attend. On my last trip to Atlanta (this past May), my friend David convinced me. For hours we sat on his couch as he showed me clips of his favorite scenes from Madonna concerts. I have video of the Confessions Tour downloaded on my ipod and her shows are huge theatrical spectacles. I asked Herbelicious if there was anyone he knew who could possibly get us to the Madge concert which was sure to be sold out. Herbelicious had a connection! For weeks he worked with her with no results. Then on Thursday, one week before the goddess makes her appearance in NYC, (we had just about giving up on getting tickets) the contact pulled through. She got us seats for half price. $353 dollar seats for $150! The catch, we had to see her at the IZOD Center in New Jersey (Nails!). On Friday with tickets in hand (and after doing a photo shoot of them )
we did a dry run at the Port Authority trying to figure out which Bus to take. The information desk told us there was no concert. What? "Wait a minute what are you talking about we have....."

"don't you watch the news honey, only Giants games at the IZOD Center...." I was about snap that she didn't know WTF she was talking about since we already had tickets, when she handed us a flyer "blah blah.. if its for concerts" she said, "you have to take a train then a shuttle from Penn Station". She handed the flyer to us. We went home agreeing to meet at Penn Station at 5PM the next day-- 3 hours before the concert started. What were we going to wear?

I decided on ripped jeans, a red shirt with anime and glitter, my fur lined jacket and silver shades, and Jose's Italian leather bag (that I borrowed). Herbelicious decided on Jeans, a black fitted shirt that said I LOVE YOU, 2 jackets, and shades as well. We looked hot. Should I bring a Camera? Wait, the ticket says NO CAMERAS. But on Youtube, everyone had camera. Better not, I worked at Equity. I understand the integrity of a performers work and not having it photographed or filmed. But it's already on youtube! Let me call David and ask if cameras are allowed (since David is the Madonna expert). "Only if the camera is part of your cell phone" David replied. I checked online. "Cameras are not allowed and may be confiscated." I couldn't risk having the camera taken away by security. Would I even get it back? I Left the Camera at home (HUGE MISTAKE).

We met at Penn Station at 5PM Saturday, both with butterflies in our stomachs. I had to pee every 5 minutes. We just wanted to get to IZOD to make sure we did not miss the concert. The train ride took 6 minutes. We get off the train and New Jersey smells like cow manure. We get on the shuttle bus, another 9 minutes. Its 6:30PM and we are in line at the IZOD Center scoping out the all the gay boys. OMG! We didn't get the memo. Its ugly night at the Madonna concert. There are no cute boys. How can this be? (oh yeah, this is Jersey) And look, EVERYONE has a camera!.... EXCEPT ME! The doors open at 7PM and they are searching everyone. In Jose's small Italian leather bag on me are my glasses, wallet, keys and gum (typcial gay boy things). Security frisks me and says "that bag is not coming in." "this is a small bag, it says small bags are allowed" I say. "It's not coming in" security says. "If I can't bring my SMALL bag in (my male purse), then all the women behind me sure as hell ain't bringing in any of their PURSES!." I open the bag and show them there is no gun, or alcohol inside. Security waves me in. The Gay boys behind me laugh and tell me "that would have been so anti-gay if they didn't let you in, especially for a Madonna concert." All the women behind me sigh with relief

We are inside. we head to our seats. OMG our seats are amazing.
We are in the second ring just above the ground level, dead center of the Runway that snakes from the stage into the audience. I wish I had my camera. DAMN YOU DAVID! EVERYONE around us is taking pictures of the stage and each other (NAILS!). We buy a program and get a snack. It's 8:10PM. Where is she. Why is the arena still so empty?

"Oh my GAWD! these seats are fab-a-lous!" a woman says. Herbelicious and I realize that since our seats were pricier, that the people sitting here would be older rich women..... like...THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY! "Oh look, dere is Wosie O'donnel sitting in the front row over dea, I hope Ellen Degenerate shows up" one of them says. "Or George Clooney" says another. A young girl enters our row. She sits next to Herbelicious. Cool. Then in walks her date.... a man old enough to be her father (NAILS!) The Man speaks to her in Portuguese. He tells her his dick is hard. NAILS!!! I think we need a drink.

Ok, its 9PM when is the show starting? the Arena looks full to capacity, even the seats way up in outerspace are filled.
9:25PM the lights dim and on the video screens, a movie of a JawBreaker being made (hard candy) as it travels through a computerized world as if on a roller coaster. The Crowd is going wild! The screen separates as Madonna rides in on a large thrown wearing all black leather, as she sings Candy Store. Her dancers are hot, all ethnic. She sings 19 songs using video, and High energy dance. I don't want to ruin it for you (and if you really want to see it, youtube it-- or this blog will be 4 hours long). But the woman knows how to entertain. Her body is amazing, her voice is amazing, but something about her face looks wierd...

Some Highlights: a White Rolls Royce drives down the runway in The Beat Goes On;
a video of Britney Spears (I love her!) trapped in an elevator during Human Nature- When I saw Britney I screamed "Britney!" as The Real Housewives of New Jersey looked at me puzzled; The Video wall looking like a subway car that opens up as her dancers pour out during Music; A Giant video cylinder of water surrounding Madge as she sings on top of a baby grand Piano during The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You; One of the Original Gypsy Kings singing with Madonna in Miles Away;
Herbelicious yelling "I love you Madonna!" during You Must Love Me; Herbelicious asking the woman behind us "is this your first concert?" after she told him to put his arms down (HA!); The strong smell of weed during Ray of Light and the old woman behind me worried that I think it's her; Madonna trashing Sarah Palin saying that Sarah wouldn't be found at a Madonna concert EVER and that it was nothing personal; and me having flashbacks of sketching on the dancefloor of Backstreet in Atlanta during the whole rave portion of the show. The show ended with all the video monitors reading "Game Over". It was 11:15PM. It was an experience. Herbelicious lost his voice.

The Shuttle bus ride back to the train station was quick, and the cow manure smell was still there. The next train back to NYC was at 12:24PM (NAILS!). The Platform was so crowded. Herbelicious and I stood near the doors where a tranny that looked like a camel stood talking on her cell phone, and a really hot Jersey Transit Police Officer.
As each gay boy came through the doors, we laughed as we noticed how they were checking this officer out. Herbelicious snuck a few pics of him with his blackberry. The train arrived and we were one of the lucky ones to get seats- It was that crowded, and no one wanted to be left behind in New Jersey waiting for another train in that cow Manure smell. I left New Jersey knowing that one more thing on my List of Things I needed to do in this lifetime was done. I agree with David. Everyone should see at least 1 Madonna concert in their lifetime. Better do it Quick, she is not gettting any younger.

Learn Spanish! La Isla Bonita - The Pretty Island.

Sentence: Madonna canto La Isla Bonita.