Do I need an Intervention?

One time…I fell asleep on subway on my way home from a bar in NYC… and I woke up on the complete OPPOSITE END OF THE TRAIN LINE that I live from! In my defense, something was extremely wrong and I suspect it’s one of two things: either someone slipped something into my drink at the bar, OR the combination of Claritin and alcohol really kicked my ass.

Let me explain why I think it’s one of these 2 scenarios.

One time in Atlanta… I was really thirsty from dancing all night. I saw my friend Disco Princess drinking a coke. I came off the dance floor and asked for a sip. Disco Princess told me he just wanted one more sip and that I could have the rest. He took one last sip and I downed the rest of it. “Did you just down that whole drink?” he shouted.

“Yes, why?” I asked.

“Because! You Idiot, there was G in it!” (GHB-Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate- the Date Rape Drug).
“I thought you knew that I was sipping it to get a buzz off it!!” Disco Princess shouted at me.

The room started to really spin and I didn’t know how to stop it. I could barely keep my eyes open. Disco Princess was busy making out with some boy in the corner and refused to help me get home (which was across the Street!). Another boy said he knew where I lived. He put me in his car, and drove me across the street. He sat with me in his car for 30 minutes.

“I want to watch you a minute to make sure you’re okay before I let you go”. When he thought I was okay, he helped me into my apartment told me to eat something and sleep it off. All I had in my apartment were some oatmeal cookies. I ate them, and immediately wanted to throw up. I went straight to my roommate’s bathroom (my bathroom was too chic to mess up). I threw up the cookies. I realized that I was freezing cold and turned on our gas fireplace, and lay down on the floor in front of it. I fell asleep. A couple of hours later, my roommate found me in a puddle of my own sweat. He was cursing.

“If I ever catch you doing G again I’ll kill you myself” my roommate shouted. He was a paramedic. “ Do you realize what happened here? Your blood pressure dropped so much—to a dangerous level and that’s why you sweated so much. You could have died!” I woke up sick that morning, and really horny. I vowed to stay away from G from that day on.

Scenario Number 2: One time… my Friend Tyler came to visit me in NYC. My allergies were acting up and so I took some Claritin.
We went out to a club called The Park. I think I had 3 Gin and Tonics (not a whole lot for me). The last thing I remember was spilling my friend Tony’s drink, and buying him a new one. The next morning I woke up in my bed completely rested with no recollection of what happened or how we got home.

I asked Tyler what happened. “Well…” he said, “at around 3AM you came up to me, you seemed fine, but you looked tired, and said we had to go. You got our coats out from the coat check and then we went outside. You said we needed to hang outside for a while-I’m not sure why, but we did. Then you started walking and I followed you. We walked maybe 10 or 12 blocks to a diner. You ordered food and I ordered food, but you passed out. So I ate. Then you woke up, had your food boxed, went to the bathroom, paid for the food and said let’s go home. We got on a train, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right one. You passed out again. Then at some stop, you woke up and said we needed to switch trains and we did and got on the D train and came home. “

I had no recollection of any of it. It was like I was on autopilot. I got on the internet and saw my friend Tony on. I apologized for my behavior the night before. “What are you talking about honey he said... last night you were fierce! The life of the party!”

“I wasn’t trashed?” I asked.

“If you were I didn’t notice” said Tony. Scary.

April 19, 2009: I find myself waking up on the D Train at 8AM-- on the complete opposite end of the train line from where I live.
I had taken Claritin the morning before since it is allergy season. Actually I have been taking it for over a month now. I have also been drinking on weekends with no black-outs or auto-pilots. I remember meeting Alana (my high school prom date) for drinks at Chevy’s the night before.

We had a couple of drinks before we went to Splash. At Splash we had a couple more drinks and danced, but I just wasn’t feeling any kind of buzz. Alana said she was tired and wanted to go home. Me thinking with the other head between my legs put Alana in a cab and went back in.

I had 60 bucks and some free drink coupons to use. I went downstairs to where Alana and I were dancing and ordered another drink. I remember I met a guy named Kevin who I had friended on facebook but that I had never met in person until now. I also remember talking with a hot couple who told me they had been together for like 14 years. I was making out with the two of them and starting to feel a buzz. I remember meeting a hot Argentinean guy who told me he was straight and showed me pictures of his girlfriend, but kept grinding against my ass and making out with me. And then it gets fuzzy.

I knew I would probably get laid from either going home with the older couple, or the guy from Argentina. Argentina guy asked me what I was drinking and I went with him to the bar. I ordered a Gin and tonic and when I tried to pay, the bartender said “your money is no good here as long as you’re with him” (he pointed at the Argentinean guy). I had to pee. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. As far as I know I peed, but I might have thrown up.... I don’t recall.

I didn’t think I was gone that long, but when I got out of the bathroom, the whole downstairs of Splash was cleared out and the lights were on.
I tried to find any of the guys, but couldn’t. I went upstairs, it was too crazy and the room was really starting to spin. I decided to leave.

I don’t remember getting my coat, but vaguely remember stumbling to the train station. For some reason I’m sure that I went to the 34th Street Stop. I don’t remember. I remember the 59th street stop so I know I was going in the right direction. At Kingsbridge, I remember feeling so sick that I said to myself “one more stop and I can throw up and go to bed” (there was track work so the train wasn’t going fully to the end of the line where I live).

Suddenly I woke up. It was 8 AM. Sun was streaming through the train car windows and there were trains on either side of my train. There were 3 other people asleep on the car. Sunlight! My train never goes above ground! Where Am I? Am I dead? It’s so quiet and peaceful here. The sun is so beautiful.
I realized I was in the train yard! I looked out the window and saw the sign “Stillwell Avenue”. I ran to the train map. Stillwell was on the complete opposite end of the train line from where I lived! I realized that I had passed out on the train and because they were doing track work at my stop the conductor didn’t go around waking people up as he usually did. The train just unloaded, reloaded and reversed back on its path toward Brooklyn. I was 2 hours away from home!!

I called Herbelicious. I started to tell him what happened but then my phone went dead!


The whole time on the 2 hour train ride back to the opposite end, I kept thinking that it was so cold on that train, and that I reeked of alcohol. When I got home, I made another discovery. All my cash was gone, my iPod was gone, and my T-Shirt was gone!! WTF! Did this happen in the club or on the train? No wonder it was so cold—I was half naked! I have a vague flashback of the couple lifting up my shirt.

I took a shower, ate something, and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up to a soaked pillow. I felt sick and I was extremely horny. G? Or Claritin? I was really thirsty.

Monday Morning, I ended up staying home from work because now I had the runs.

At least I am safe, and nothing seriously bad happened. It could have been worse.

For Real! Seriously!