I'd Date Myself in a Tuxedo!

One time… as a child, I remember watching some TV show and at the end of the show, the announcer said “Guest of the show stay at the world famous Waldorf=Astoria Hotel”. The Waldorf =Astoria (notice it’s a double hyphen = people use to say meet me at the hyphen) has become a famous landmark hotel known for luxury.
It’s even rumored that one of their chefs created the recipe for red velvet cake-- a very luxurious velvety cake.

I know that I have truly ARRIVED in New York City when I can say that I was invited (and attended) a black tie event at the World Famous Waldorf=Astoria Hotel.

My corporate philanthropist friend Jose received 10 tickets to the Hispanic Federation’s Annual Gala fundraiser, and was kind enough to invite me, Quinta, his date Matt, Thomas Krevor-- Executive Director of the Hetrick-Martin Institute (The Harvey Milk School), and several others.


“Established in 1990, the Hispanic Federation is a service-oriented membership organization that works with over 90 Latino health and human services agencies to promote the social, political and economic well-being of the Latino community”. This year’s gala event theme was Taking Causes to Heart.



This being a Black-tie affair , I had to rent a tuxedo. I thought that renting a tux from the Men’s Warehouse on 46th and Madison would be a wise choice since it was near Jose’s office (whereI I would be getting ready) and also because its prom season and they had ads in their windows advertising tuxedos for $59.

The Tuesday evening before the Thursday event I headed to the Men’s Warehouse. I love how literally a few days before an event you can just rent a tuxedo in NYC. First off, among the tuxedos in their catalog, not one was $59. Secondly, most of the tuxedo rentals started off at $170 dollars and up.

I settled on the two cheapest ones in the rental catalog for $109.00. I chose a lapel collar type only to be told that it really wasn’t in fashion and that if I was choosing based on price to take the other suit. When you think about it, I really had no choices! The suit I settled for was a regular tux with the satin stripe down the pant leg; and a black vest and regular tie (I don’t care for bow ties). They told me to pick the tux up between 12 PM & 5 PM the next day.

On Wednesday I went to pick up the tuxedo. After trying it on, I realized the pants were too short and the sleeves on my jacket too long (for tuxedos, its customary to show off the cuffs of your white shirt beneath the jacket). They told me to come back at 6 PM to retry it. I didn’t make it back. I hoped that it would fit the next day.

I went at noon on Thursday to pick my suit up. Everything was perfect. I rushed over to Jose’s office dropped off the tux and told him I would be back at 5:45 to get ready and that we get to the Waldorf=Astoria by 6:15 PM for the reception ( before dinner).

It was a rather hellish day at work, and I left the office at 5:05 PM (rare to leave that early on a hellish day). My plan was to head up to 51st and Lexington to the New York Sports Club (the gym I belong to—though not the branch I frequent) that is nearest to Jose’s office, to take a shower. Jose called me and said that he had gone home early to get ready and was driving back and he would be in the city by 5:45 PM. Quinta called me and said she had her dress with her and would like to get ready at Jose’s office at 5:45 as well.

The locker room of the NYSC at 51st and Lexington was full of hot fit Brazilian men! OMG it was like live Brazilian porn! (They weren’t having sex, just hot naked bodies everywhere). And of course, the one time I would just like to sit in a hot steam room looking at hot naked Brazilian men,
I only had 20 minutes to get in and out. I take a quick shower, shave, brush my teeth, wipe the drool from my mouth as I look at the guy next to me, change, and head 2 blocks over to Jose’s office. As I’m nearing Jose’s office, my phone starts ringing. “William, It’s Jose, I am stuck in traffic just go to my office and I will be there shortly”. I stop off at Starbucks and grab some iced green tea for Quinta and me.

I meet Quinta in the Lobby of Jose’s office. We sit down. I had broken a little sweat on the way (from the walk and from thinking of all those Brazilian boys I left behind). We sit outside at some tables catching up and cooling off. It was actually kind of a muggy day out. Not the best weather to wear a tuxedo in. Quinta was in jeans. She was going to change upstairs (like me) when Jose arrived.

5:50 PM Jose calls me again. “I’m still in traffic. Ask security if they will let you up to my office and let you change”. I put Jose on the phone with security and listen as the guard say “we do not open up any of our tenants office, it’s against our policy”. Quinta and I would have to wait.



6:10 PM (The time we were supposed to be at the reception!) Jose comes in all dressed. “Sorry I’m late, traffic was really bad and… I forgot my office keys!”. He turns to security and asks if they will open up the office for him. Security won’t do it. Uh oh! How am I going to get dressed!! Security and Jose start calling extensions to see if anyone is there! No Answers. Then a woman Jose knows comes out of the elevator. “Sure!” she says “I can key you in”. Whew! As we head toward the elevator, a cleaning person comes out and he offers to let us in instead, so the woman can go home. We ride up in the service elevator.

After we are done Changing, and I realize how hot I look in a tuxedo (I would date myself in a tux), and Quinta is dressed in her cocktail dress, Jose explains that we will not be able to get back into his office tonight. CRAP! I was planning on leaving my bag of stuff there and retrieving it after the grand ball. Now I had to grab my house keys and anything else I might need to get home that night and get everything in the morning. This means that I have to ride the subway late at night to the Bronx, in a fancy tuxedo.


6:40 PM. We finally make our entrance. The Waldorf=Astoria hotel was built in 1931 and is known for its Art-Deco design.
It’s lobby adorned with deep rich woods, with a clock tower in the center. Upstairs richly carpeted hallways with Chandeliers.


Even the elevators were made of stainless steel (or silver) ornately designed complete with the dial that looks like a clock above the door telling you what floor the elevator is on.
I commented that it was just like I use to watch on Sesame Street—Grover using that dial to count floors.




The upper floor Hallway leading to the reception and ballroom was cleanly tiled a black and white checker board pattern and much of the walls up lit by sconce lighting.
I couldn’t help but get that eerie feeling that this place was haunted, like the hotel in the Shining.


We were very late for the reception, and only had time to grab a glass of wine (Quinta and I were able to steal some sort of fried patty thing), and meet a few people before being ushered into the ballroom. The ballroom was beautiful, almost like being in Carnegie Hall or a Paris opera
house with a very ornate ceiling and large chandelier, complete with what looked like balconies of box seats.


Our tables were beautifully decorated with square vases of flowers submerged in water, with floating candles. The effect of the candles reflecting off all of the wine glasses on the tables was stunning. Also on the tables were our programs, and a listing of items up for silent auction including: a L’Oreal gift basket; Broadway show tickets; and trips.
On each chair, a large black purse—yes-- a purse! These were our gift bags! Thoughts of getting beat up on the subway in a tuxedo and holding a large purse filled my head.
Also on our table was the appetizer: Sugarcane Skewered Shrimp, with Buasacaca Salad (basically salsa).



The event was hosted by Julie Banderas, A Fox News correspondent.
New York’s governor Patterson was also there on hand to help present awards to Les Good Stein of Newscorp; Jose Zambrano L. of Zuma Holding; Kyle E. McSlarrow of the National Cable & Telecommunications Association; and also the Violence Intervention Program.
A lot of the presentation was done in Spanish with subtitles, and since I had left my glasses in Jose’s office I was as blind as Governor Patterson!



I wasn’t too impressed with dinner.
First off, it was served at 9 PM. The last meal I had eaten was at lunch. By the time dinner was served, I was so hungry I had eaten my shrimp appetizer,
and even chewed up the sugarcane skewer for all its sweetness (I remember chewing sugarcane as a kid in Hawaii). My spice Rubbed Tournedo of Beef was rather dry, but the Jumbo Lump Crab Cake was AMAZING!



As we ate dinner, we were entertained by Venezuelan Jazz Flutist Huascar Barradas.
The music was beautiful. Quinta could not help but to marvel at how skillful Huascar was with the flute. She explained to me that in order for him to make some of those sounds,
he had to be really skillful with his tongue! I think she was about to orgasm in her pants as she sat there watching him.




Halfway through the Dinner, Quinta and I snuck off to use the restroom as well as to take pictures posing next
to pieces of furniture as if they were priceless antique pieces in our own homes.

My favorite part of the evening was the dessert Bar.
Just outside of the main ballroom, a table with an amazing spread of rich treats including Flan, assorted mini cakes, and a cappuccino mousse.
Next to the dessert table, a full service coffee bar serving coffees, Café Con Leche, and Cappaccino. The Cappaccino was to die for!




As the evening faded into dancing, the group at our table decided to call it a night. On the way out, me and Jose decided to be ghetto and swing by the Coffee Bar and fill our “purses” with canned Bustello iced Café Con leche.
I think I took 5! Jose took 6!


We stopped in the Grand Lobby on our way out for some final photos with the clock.
Somone was grabbing my ass during the group photos!!

On my way home, I decided to wrap my purse in my leather jacket. Everyone on the train looked at me but no one said a word. They probably thought I was just some building security officer, or Hotel Concierge on his way home from work.

When I got home, I opened my purse.
Goya Products! Bustello Coffee! the usual pens and things, a CD of Huascar Barradas, a Mini bottle of Hennessy, and 5 canned Bustello Iced Café con Leche which I enjoyed every day since. Does anyone know where I can buy more?

For Real! Seriously!