The Sweetest Tea!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
that started from this tropic port
aboard this tiny ship. (Okay maybe not a tropic port)





The mate was a mighty sailing man,
the skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
(okay there were 6 of us not five)



The weather started getting rough,
the tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
the minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost…


One time… A group of .
French people who were colonizing Morocco decided to liven up their boring afternoon tea by turning it into an all out party with music and dancing (and debauchery)—henceforth the tea dance was born. Tea dances eventually became the staple of genteel and high society; a chance for the rich to hob knob with one another. Today tea dances refer to any casual afternoon party.

In the gay world, tea dances or T-Dances usually refer to a Sunday afternoon or evening party, BUT may also a have reference to the cruising for anonymous sex between men in public restrooms or “tea rooms”. This past Sunday, I attended a T-dance aboard the Queen of Hearts riverboat for a Sea Tea.

Two years ago my friend Joe first called me about the Sea Tea in NYC and said “let’s do it”.
It costs $22, includes dinner, and a 3 hour tour (like Gilligan’s Island) aboard a riverboat with a cash bar and DJ. It sounded like a great deal. HOWEVER, little did we know, this particular T-Dance we attended 2 years ago was for ugly men only (well not really but that’s what it seemed like). For 3 hours we were stuck on board a riverboat with the ugliest men ever! STUCK like Gilligan! The bartender understood our dilemma and was kind enough to make us EXTRA STRONG Long Island ice teas in BIGGER CUPS so we could deal with all the ugliness. By the end of the trip we were trashed!


On Pride weekend this year, I gave the Sea Tea another chance and had a blast!—AND... there were CUTE BOYS! So, when I looked at the Sea Tea Schedule again and saw that this weekend was “Will Clark’s 6th and Final Bad Boys on the Hudson Sea Tea”, and that next week was Gay Officers Action League (the ugly Sea Tea that Joe and I first went on), and the week after that the Gay Men’s Choir, I knew that I had to get on the Sea Tea just one more time this season while the theme was going to be good.



Will Clark is a producer who fund raises for BREAKING THE CYCLE, an HIV campaign that spreads awareness and provides funding for research and other HIV organizations. Will Clark is known to do this using gay porn stars! Bad Boys on the Hudson was exactly that. I would be STUCK on a boat for 3 hours With HOT PORN STARS and STRIPPERS! YAY! (Just in case the rest of the cruise was ugly, I invited a big group of my friends including Joe again so that if anything, we would still have a good time).




I bought my tickets from the store called Wear-Me-Out (and a cute swimsuit too) on the Friday before. The next day Joe went to get his tickets and was told that they had sold out. “Why is everyone going on this Sea Tea?” the clerk at Wear-Me-Out asked. He sent Joe to another location for tickets. Joe got his tickets from Steel Gym.



We decided to meet at XES for drinks beforehand.
At 6:15 PM as Herbert and I exited the subway train at the stop near XES, we were greeted by a huge thunderstorm. Pouring rain, lightning and LOUD thunder, strong winds, even hail! Though XES was only one block from the train station, there was no way we could get to it. We hunkered down with the other 30 people in the train station and just watched the water come pouring down the stairs. It was like being in a bad horror movie, hunkering down as some giant sea creature trashed the city above us.
I didn’t even have phone service to call Joe to let him know what happened. Herbert was in a panic. “I’m not going out on the water in a storm” he repeatedly said. I suggested that large storms like this pass within minutes and that we would probably be fine. A couple of people stripped down to their bikini and swim shorts (guess they came from the pier) and braved the rain. I was wearing my swimsuit under my jeans—I could have done that too, but didn’t want to mess up my hair! At 6:50 PM with no sign of the rain ending, we decided to head down on the train to Christopher Street--the station nearest the pier --and see what happens.


At the Christopher Street station it was blue sunny skies. I quickly called Joe and told him that we would meet him and his friend Rebecca on the boat. The four of us met on the pier and waited for 2 other friends to arrive. The Queen of Hearts would set sail at 7:30pm.

At 7:25 PM Frankie and Pedro still had not arrived! My heart was racing. They called me and said “we are in a cab”. I quickly replied “if this boat sets sail before you get here, I’m leaving without you”.


At 7:29 PM they arrived (just in time) and we all boarded the ship. We were immediately greeted by the sight of hot Porn stars in nothing but underwear and leather attire posing for pictures and asking people to buy raffle tickets. We All ordered drinks from bar and headed up to the top deck (the dance floor) and open air.

Herbert was still very reluctant. “This sunny weather is just the eye of the storm. I don’t think we should be doing this!” he said.

Rebecca began working the room asking random gay boys if they had previously met her before. LOVE IT!

On the top deck, I decided to approach one of the porn stars and ask him what the tickets were for. “They are for different prizes” said the hot almost naked star. “The tickets are a dollar each all going to HIV charities, but for $10 dollars I’ll use the roll of tickets to measure your inseam, and for $20 you can measure mine“he said.

Figuring it was all for charity and since I was taller than he was-- and would get MORE tickets, I opted for the $10 measuring of MY inseam.

He quickly got down his knees and immediately starting biting my cock through my jeans. OMG!! I immediately got aroused as he continued to play with me this way as he slowly measured my inseam using the tickets. It was so hot! I only wished that I had asked for the $20 dollar version—would he have allowed me to do that to him through his leather jockstrap? After I was rock hard, he stood up, collected the money gave me a thank you kiss and handed me my tickets. Everyone around immediately swarmed to buy tickets from him including Pedro who insisted that the only reason he was buying tickets was because he “won his bike” from a raffle on a sea tea last year. For me, I didn’t care if I won the raffle at this point. I already got my $10 worth.=)


We roamed the ship mingling with the crowd before deciding to head downstairs to dinner on the second level. I really wasn’t hungry and basically ordered another drink and had some pasta salad. As we were dining, another porn star dressed too in a leather jock was accosted by Rebecca. Not wanting to spend another $10 to $20 dollars on tickets just so that I could have this guy molest me, and wanting a picture for this blog, I offered him 5 bucks to pose and take a regular picture with me. He agreed.
As I stood up next to him and started to smile, He immediately pushed me down to my knees and shoved his full basket in my face. It was hot! People egged me on. Hell for 5 bucks what the hell… I did what I wanted! When it was done he said… “Maybe you should pay $10 for that”. He thanked me and handed me 5 tickets.

We roamed all the decks of the ship enjoying the debauchery of it all, Rebecca commenting “I’m a gay boy in a girls’ body! If I were a real gay boy I’d probably get more cock! Straight men are so boring!” I love Rebecca! Joe kept spilling his drinks on himself--not sure if it was because he was as drunk as I was, or if because the ship seemed to be rocking more and more as the weather starting getting worse again.


Another round of drinks and our group separated.
While having some dessert on the lower level, I got a text message from Joe. “Come up to the dance floor, there is some live cock up here”. We headed up in time to catch several of the porn stars put on a live show for us. HOT! HOT! HOT! (and I'm just a pervert).




When the show ended, a flagger appeared.


He was okay. Being one of the core team members of NYC Flaggers, I introduced myself to him. He quickly handed me his flags. “Go for it” he said. I quickly climbed on the box and I put on a show despite my injured wrist.
I could feel the ship really rocking now. I mean really rocking. Lightning was lighting up the skies on the horizon. Maybe Herbert was right-we could be in danger. Suddenly, large waves started washing over the sides and spraying the crowd. We quickly headed downstairs where we would be shielded from the elements.

On the lower deck, the porn stars had gathered and were announcing the numbers from the raffle. I didn’t win, but like I said… I already got my money’s worth.

We went back upstairs, and danced a little more. The weather seeemed to be holding. It was nearing 10 PM and the ship was going to dock. It was so hot and humid on the ship I had my shirt half off. I had to use the bathroom. Pedro followed me. As I entered the bathroom, Pedro waited outside. The stalls were all full. As I waited, a hot couple behind me said “that’s a really hot look for you, with your tan skin and white belt, shirt pulled up”. They started rubbing my stomach. Just then the stall door opened and a leather daddy came out and I saw another guy behind him jump off the toilet. I had found “The Tea Room”. I really did have to pee and Pedro was waiting. As I stood in the stall peeing, the couple behind me kept saying “don’t you know there is a 3 person minimum in the stall here?” If Pedro wasn’t waiting for me I might have invited them in.


As I exited the bathroom, I looked down to the lower level and saw one of the porn stars Ty Hudson autographing his pictures.
I quickly rushed down and asked if he was selling them. “No, I’m giving them away” he said. I quickly found the two that appealed to me most and had him sign them as he explained to me that some guy wrote his college thesis on the last porn film he did (okay, compared to that guy maybe I'm not all that much of a pervert).




Just as he finished singing his name, the lights flashed signaling that the boat had docked and that we all needed to disembark.

This was one 3 hour tour that I wished did get marooned like Gilligan.

We headed to a pizza place for some late night pizza (as we usually do after a night of drinking in NYC). As we were headed to the train station, the sky opened up again for round two of the storm. Herbert starting freaking out again. “We need to hurry and get underground” he shouted.

We quickly headed to the safety of the underground as the giant monster trashed the city above us again.


For Real! Seriously!