As I walked to work this morning, I couldn’t help but also to “settle down” and reflect a little bit about this past year. It has been a really rough year for me. I got really sick in the beginning of the year, and work (at my last company) was becoming tiresome with no guidance or help. Then I found this awesome job in advertising just as my relationship with my partner of 4 years completely fell apart. I had to move out and he got custody of the dogs that I love so much. I visit them, but it breaks my heart when it’s time for me to go home. I cry every time. I miss cuddling up with them and going to sleep, and now that it’s getting colder, even more so.
The holidays are coming up, and I may take a short trip somewhere like Atlanta to see close friends, but I think Thanksgiving and Christmas this year is going to be a doozy even though I have so much vacation time to use. Flight’s home to Hawai’i are nearing the $2000 dollar range and I just don’t know if I’ll be able to swing it this year, even with help from my family.
Halloween is also coming, and for the past two years, my EX and I had been throwing these huge Halloween bashes. I would get excited and all Martha Stewart about these parties, but this year, there will be no party for me to get excited about planning.
Sigh…… maybe something exciting will happen at lunch. or maybe watching the Vice Presidential Debates and Sarah Palin tonite will make me laugh....except I don't have a TV.
4 comments:
Sigh...this is by far your saddest posting to date!!! I know how hard it has been for you and I feel your pain, and while the season is changing and it seems that plants are dying and leaves are falling and things look barren and cold... The reality of life is just that "change" - change is the catalyst for growth a rebirth if you will.
We all have had and will have moments in our lives, when we look back and reflect and feel sad and miss things that mean or meant a lot to us. The fact is that while it's sad, it is also part of life for the rebirth that will take place come spring.
I got teary eye knowing how hard it is for you to not have Isaac and Caasi around, but they aren't really gone. While it's not the same as before, they are not completely gone always remember that.
This past years has been quite a journey for you and while some things were lost other new and exciting things were found!!!
Looking back is always good and necessary to see how far you've come and you will know how far and how much you yet to do and accomplish!
Fall is a bit sad but it is a colorful season filled with reds, oranges, yellows and browns and earth tones (colors that I must say look good on you - since you have a good skin tone that blends well with must colors - OH C'mon - I had to say it - don't hate cuz i know fashion!)...it’s a small reminder from Mother Nature that while yes it's getting colder and the days get shorter - there is still hidden beauty in it all, you just have to breathe and stop and look.
You aren't alone, remember that! Just look at how many of us follow your blog. Most importantly, all those wonderful people that have come forward from your past and how happy that has made you feel. You are a very special individual, with an exceptional ability to live life to the fullest and to see the joy and wonder in the things that many of us have lost the ability to see.
Yes, the holidays are coming up but who is to say that you won’t enjoy them just as much as in the past. True maybe not at the extent you did in the past years with your apron and glue gun a la “Martha Stewart” Style but, you are quite inventive and resourceful, so let’s just say I am sure you will surprise us all.
I applaud your courage for having posted today's blog...it shows a different side of you. For all those drinking Hateraid out there that claim that fabulous people aren't deep – how do you like them apples!!!
First off: I love what your friend Herbster commented in his 2nd paragraph, but it's sooo true! He also wrote what I was thinking: Fall colors look fabulous on us islanders LOL Hence why I love fall ;)
Can I just come and hug you? Seriously. You need to have a BREAKTHROUGH PARTY! Invite those who are near and dear to you make some dump cake and get a TV (with antennae) go online get your cable box converter kit and you'll be good to go w/ some tv :) OMG check craigslist.com for a TV! Those suckers are cheap ;) We did free tv for 2 months! Even though we didn't have cable channels, we were happy w/ the 'background' noise lol
Why don't you come down to VA for the holidays?! Thanksgiving and Christmas :) Take the Amtrak to me LOL seriously, we live a hop skip jump from Amtrack lol I have 3 dogs you can love on even though they're not the same, but still you're more than welcome to come for the holidays :) Let me know! I'll let Frank know to set the table for one more ;)
And I totally understand about the flights home :: ugh :: I'm trying to shop for a ticket to see my brother graduate next year--OMG now I feel old. Big hugs
Dawn
I really loved this post...reflective and somewhat melancholy in a bittersweet way...i love the line at the end "maybe something exciting will happen at lunch" haha, that's cute....and i agree with touch of aloha says, you need to have a PARTY!! I think you should have one when Cathryn and I are visiting...then we can all go out...it'll so much fun!
Aww, I know how you feel! I miss my dogs too. It was hard to read this blog, it made me think about them, and the fact that I'm in Texas and they are in Ohio.
I miss Duke, our chihuahua, curling up around my feet at night, and Nikita, my beautiful Eskie snuggling up between me and my ex. I have since gotten a little dog to keep me company, she'll never replace my Ohio kids, but she's definitely won a spot in my heart forever! Anyway, I know it doesn't heal the pain of having to part with them, be happy you get to spend time with them still!
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