Despite what some of you believe, me being gay is not a choice. Just as a straight person instinctively went for the opposite sex and did not give it a second thought or "choice", I instinctively went for the same sex. If I had a choice, I would have probably chosen to be straight simply because it would have made my life a whole lot easier. But God choose this life for me that I was born into it and have no regrets.
When I came out to my parents, I was already an adult. My mother got upset and we stopped talking. Because I am an adult, I knew how to manage on my own without my mother. My mother and I have since made up. But there are hundreds of teens out there today, who just like me, know it is not a choice to be gay. For some of these teens who are coming out so early (because we MUST live our lives honestly and be comfortable with who we are), life is an uphill battle. They are not adults, and do not have the tools to cope as easily as I did when I came out. I recently read a story about a girl who came out at a young age. Her mother threw her out, and told her that had she known her daughter would turn out this way, she would not have let the doctors save her when she was born prematurely. At school, she faced ridicule not only from her classmates, but from teachers as well. With no family to support her nor education, how was she to cope with life? She wanted to die. Thank God for the Hetrick-Martin Institute and the Harvey Milk School in NYC. They provided a place for this girl to know love, and compassion, and gave her a place to receive an education and the tools she needed to be a success. All she needed was a chance.
The Hetrick-Martin Institute throws an annual Fall Festival Benefit Event that I was fortunate enough to be invited to. Jose, through his corporate philanthropy made an admirable donation of $2000 and was able to invite Herbelicious, myself, and our friend Alan. The event was held upstate in Accord, New York (prounounced ACK-cord).
Accord is 2 hours north of the city in what I would call COUNTRY. Corn fields and farm houses dot the landscape. Quaint little towns where some of NYC's richest find escape from the grind of city life among the simple serene life of farm folk.
We got lost on our way there, as not all the streets along the green winding hill roads are labeled properly. We stopped to ask for directions at an inn where Herbelicious and Alan got out. Herbelicious was nervous. Would the inn keeper pull out the ropes to start a lynching of these 4 ethnic GAY boys from the city? To our surprise he was also a "Sister" who fabulously dressed complete with a silk scarf, told Herbelicious to breathe as he pointed us in the right direction, asking if those doctor boys were throwing a party again. Hmmm maybe we need to go back to Accord and find out who these fabulous doctor boys are.
We found the Fall Festival down a long private driveway leading to a beautiful estate with a house built on a lake. In the back of the house, a huge white tent complete with beautiful couches and chaise loungers; paper lanterns; coffee tables of glass full of water with blossoms floating in them; free martinis and wine; hors d' orderves; --all the while people walking about in designer clothing and Jimmy Choo shoes costing at least $5000 a pair. It could have been a very pretentious party. It was not. It was open and friendly and warm. I think everyone here understood what it was like growing up gay and not being accepted. So they accepted EVERYONE. The day was a perfect day to throw an outdoor party such as this. Clear skies and 70 degrees- not too hot, not to cold.
Heberlicious and I enjoyed pretending to be models as we posed on the chaises with our martinis. We even created our own Dolce Gabanna ads amongst the reeds near the lake. Jose and Alan were having a blast too, mingling and posing for pictures. Ah, this was the life.
But walking around the party were these teens who gently reminded us of a time we use to hide who we really were. They thanked us for supporting their school and giving them the chance to be successful. REALITY CHECK. I am so glad that these kids have the support they need. My life would have been a whole lot easier if I had the Harvey Milk School. Growing up I thought something was wrong with me. Why didn't girls like me? Why did the girls tease me? Why did the guys always pick on me? Why did I like clothes and Hair products, and Barbie? Why was I awkward at sports? Was I the only one this way? Why did it feel like I had to keep this all to myself? Was there anyone I could ask?.......... I hid all this pain really well.
As we left, we were handed goody bags full of hair products (YAY! for Herbelicous and I who LOVE our hair products), Skin products (YAY! for Herbelicous and I who LOVE our skin products), and Prada cologne (YAY! since we LOVE Prada). We are so GAY! YAY!
As we drove off, into the beautiful pink, purple and orange sunset, we all had a warm glow. We realized that as a group, the LGBT community has come a long way, but we still have a LONG way to go. It's nice to know that there are people and organizations like the Hetrick-Martin Institute who are making it a little easier for us. It's also nice to know that I have 3 good friends to help me through my life and make it a little more pleasant. Thank you Jose, Herbert, and Alan for sharing this day with me.
www.hmi.org
