It's Britney Bitches!

One time… I met a boy in a bar. He was Filipino and everyone thought we were cousins. We started making out (hey we were really drunk). Everyone in the bar was into us being “kissing cousins”-- like we were circus freaks. We told people that our parents were embarrassed that we were gay and to keep the secret in the family-- so we did! People ate it up. We were the star attraction at the bar! We made out all night and then exchanged numbers and friended each other on Facebook. A couple days later I text messaged him. I asked when I would see him again-- he didn’t respond.

About a month later, I ran into him at another bar. He was friendly, and again we told people we were cousins-- but no kissing this time. Later, I text messaged him to see what was up with him and he didn’t respond. What a total Asshole!

A few weeks later I got an email from him on Facebook:

Hey William,

Sorry I haven't written or texted. I'm kinda embarrassed about my behavior that night. I was drunk and dealing with a recent breakup. I still hope we can be friends!

Hey... I saw on your profile that you like Britney. Are you going to her show? I got this code for great seats for $10 and $30 (plus the horrible surcharges of course)... but the $30 seats are first level from floor! This is only for the show on the 26th. Dirt cheap! Those seats are regularly $160!

Here's the code: CVFANDF (put this in the "special offers and promotions" for "any price")

Have a great weekend.
Your cousin,
Ben

I was the REBOUND GUY??? Whatever!

I quickly pulled up TicketMaster and put in the code.
Sure enough, Amazing seats exactly where Ben said they would be. I called Herbert. We tried plugging in 2 seats but it kept shooting us in the $10 section way up in the stratosphere! We decided to buy separate seats in the $30 section and we would finagle our way to sit next to each other when we got there. Ben was forgiven. I shared the code with a bunch of girls on my floor at work.

I don’t care what any of you have to say that is bad about Britney Spears-- I love her. She is an entertainer. So what if she uses a vocoder-- who doesn’t these days? So what if she doesn’t dance full out--who does? It’s all about the back-up dancers anyway. The girl knows how to put on a show. And let me tell you, she got her groove back. And for someone that everyone seems to always be trashing, she sure is SELLING OUT arenas, selling albums, and last year she swept the MTV VMA’s. So the Bitch is doing something right. (except finding a man! all her back up dancers were so hot, yet she chose Federline???)

As a Gay man there are 3 goddesses on earth I believe you must see. Madonna; Kylie (who is SOLD OUT!! WAH!!); and Britney Spears. All 3 know how to put on a show. It doesn’t matter that Britney does not sing a single word and the whole show is lip synced, it’s still an amazing spectacle to behold.


The day of the concert, my friend Jeff (who went the night before) called me  and said to wear something sassy since the concert is a gay Mecca (and my future husband might be  there). 

I decided to wear my red carnival shirt that says “STAFF, we’ll do it for a quarter!”—I thought it was circus sassy and appropriate. Besides, it’s my favorite red shirt. I always get noticed when I wear this shirt.

We got to Madison Square Garden early-- not sure if the concert would start on time since Madonna’s concert supposedly started at 8 but she did not make an appearance until somewhere closer to 10 with no pre-show!


We browsed the Britney paraphernalia for sale and some random girl even came up to me and asked me if I wanted to smell like Britney as she sprayed me with Britney’s Candies fragrance before I could even say no.

When we got to our seats, we realized that they were AMAZING. The stage was right in front of us set up like 3 rings of a circus.
Herbert decided to sit with me and as people started filling in we would ask to switch so that we could be next to each other. An usher appeared, looked at our tickets and told Herbert he was in a completely different section. So much for trading seats as I watched Herbert walk to another section. Herbert had the end seat of a row that was completely full except for one other seat in the middle. His seat was just as amazing, actually even more so.


The Pre-show started promptly at 8. Some girl named Kristina Debarge, and then some unknown boy band named  One Call--
nothing special.

As they were singing, a girl and her boyfriend came up to me and insisted that I was in their seat. I started to argue. We pulled out our tickets and the guy quickly informed me that I too was in the wrong section. I realized that I was supposed to be in the same section as Herbert-- in that one empty seat!


I walked over to the section Herbert was in and immediately started asking people if they were together and if they could move over one seat. Everyone moved with no arguments and no issues.
I sat down next to a surprised Herbert, and to strange looks from the Asian girls who had just moved one seat over.

I later realized that the reason that everyone moved with no issues  (and the Asian girls gave me strange looks) was BECAUSE my shirt said STAFF and had a carnival logo on it. They all probably thought I worked there! I sat down just in time to catch Jordin Sparks wail at the top of her range some of her most famous hits including No Air. The girls in front of us immediatley liked Herbert and me (the gays). One of them started talking to us about how she (Jordin Sparks) was better than Britney. As IF!




Once the pre-show was over, a time clock came on stating “The Circus will begin in X Minutes” counting down to Britney. I suddenly got a phone call.
“Are you wearing a red shirt bitch?” It was Ben all the way in section 86. He had spotted me!--(told you I always get noticed in this red shirt). I walked over to wear he was. His seats were even better than mine! (we were in section 97) NAILS!

I headed back to my seat as Herbert headed out to get himself a snack. At 30 seconds left in the countdown, Herbert appeared with Beer!
The lights dimmed… 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1 and up came…. The Big Apple Circus! Britney tricked us! Actually, the performance was amazing—acrobats and gymnasts, clowns, the whole shebang, but really, it was the Big Apple Circus.



Then the lights dimmed again coming up on Perez Hilton (one of Britney’s biggest fans) dressed as a circus freak announcing the arrival of Britney Spears.




Britney dropped out of the ceiling in a golden ring as she performed one of the most amazing opening numbers I have ever seen for a concert: Circus. It was brilliant! Full of acrobats, and gymnasts, smoke and lights, there was so much to look at, it was overwhelming. I must say, the theme of circus is a brilliant theme to stage a comeback tour—and Britney ran with it! It’s Britney Bitches! She’s back!




She followed up that number with Piece of Me where she paraded herself around the stage in a gold cage like a fabulous exhibit (which she is), as headlines of newspapers covered the video monitors. --You want a piece of her?




She did not perform Gimme Gimme (from her darkest hours). Instead, she created a techno version of the song and had dancers perform an Asian
kung Fu-esqe dance to it. I do not believe she will ever perform that song again.





The show is bespectacled with circus acts, magic tricks and even a Bollywood number to Me Against the Music.




Britney then toned the lights down to a calming blue, got on the microphone, and in the most baby munchkin voice said “Thank you New York” and then she proceeded to climb onto an umbrella swing to sing her sad ballad-- EVERY TIME.
Well, she didn’t actually sing it, even though at one point she grabbed her gut and pushed on her diaphragm to give her extra air to hold the note out. Whatever!



As an added bonus, she threw in the number Slave for You!


And Toxic!

She winded the show down with another favorite-- Hit Me Baby One More Time and a video slide show of all her songs to the music of Break the Ice.



Her Final number- Womanizer, she was dressed as a sexy police officer. The whole show closed with fireworks and confetti! The crowd went wild.




After the show, the Britney gang met for karaoke at Xes bar and lounge.



Everyone was talking about the concert. Even the girls the next day at work. It was well worth the $30.00 bucks.

Now if only I could get Kylie tickets for real cheap!

For Real! Seriously!